


"I think you missed your calling."

by WriterOfFates



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Girl Scouts, M/M, Minor Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 23:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2600081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterOfFates/pseuds/WriterOfFates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jason finds he is no match for Girl Scouts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I think you missed your calling."

This was not at all what they had planned on. Hell, it was the exact opposite of what Jason had even thought might occur. He was supposed to be kicking bad guy butt right now, but no. Of course things can’t go according to plan.

He’d been chasing some henchmen that had gotten away from a cartel that Batman and his sidekicks—Jason wasn’t even sure how many there were now, every time he looked there was a different Robin or a different Batgirl—were busting. They’d taken a large portion of the drugs and had booked it, and Jason had thought that maybe if he took them down before they caused too many problems, Red Robin would get off his ass about doing things to purposefully spite Batman. And it wasn’t like Jason wanted to impress the kid with his ability to work with others or anything. Not at all.

But of course it couldn’t have happened like that. Jason had known it would be trouble the moment the thugs approached the elementary school. His heart had practically stopped when he realized it wasn’t as empty as it should have been that late at night. He had slipped in through the broken glass on the doors and headed towards the sounds of screaming and shouting at a run.

He could never have been prepared for the sight that greeted him. A woman lay unconscious on the ground and he could see little kids in Girl Scout uniforms everywhere. Except that he could tell they weren’t screaming in pain or fear.

No. They were screaming battle cries.

The three thugs that had broken into the building were cowering on the floor as the little girls hit them with anything they were able to get their hands on: backpacks, a mess kit, boxes of cookies, shoes. Two little girls smacked one of the thugs with a flag pole that still had the flags attached and another was repeatedly hitting him with the stand from that same pole.

The grown men were cowering, the bags of drugs discarded on the floor as they tried to protect their heads from the furious attacks of about 20 girls all under the age of 8.

Jason tried not to laugh, glad his helmet covered the grin he was unable to hold in.

He waded forward, plucking children away from the thugs. “Ladies, ladies, please, I think they’ve had enough.”

Some of the girls back off when they see him, and Jason twitched when he heard one whisper, “Is that Batman?”

He sighed and lifted one of the thugs out from under the furious children and knocked him out, half out of mercy for the man. He managed to pry the other two away and do the same to them before ziptying them together on the floor. The girls stood together, makeshift weapons still raised at Jason.

“Hey, hey, I’m one of the good guys today, I promise. I’m just finishing up the job of taking these guys down that you all started so well. I’ll tell Batman that you all were absolutely invaluable. Although what the hel-heck are doing here at night?”

“Lock in.”

“We’ve had it planned for months.”

“No mean people are going to ruin it for us!”

Jason chuckles at the enthusiastic replies. “Okay, okay. Well you’re safe now, so I’m just gonna…” He steps back towards the doorway, dragging the men with him.

“You can’t leave!”

“What if more come?!”

“What about our leader? She’s hurt, mister!”

“Don’t go!”

“We’re supposed to have adult supervision!”

“I don’t want to go home yet!”

“You can be our substitute leader!” The girls all shouted their agreement with that plan.

Jason sighed and let go of the men. “Okay, okay, just stop being so high pitched, please!”

The girls let out a cheer of excitement and start bouncing about, putting things back where they’re supposed to go, chattering, still throwing things at the unconscious men every once in a while.

One stepped up in front of Jason and stops, arms crossed across her chest and stance wide. “So what’s your name if you’re not Batman?”

“I’m Red Hood.”

“You’re not wearing a hood. You’re wearing a helmet.”

“I used to have a hood.”

“Well you don’t know so you’re Red Helmet.”

“Fine, fine, what’s your name?”

“Summer.”

“It’s not summer anymore, it’s fall, so you can’t be summer!”

“That’s not how it works!” The little girl stomped her foot and Jay couldn’t help the burst of laughter that erupted from him at that. The little girl made a furious noise and leaped at him, grabbing onto his arm and swinging there.

A few more girls saw and shouted in delight, each attaching to Jay, climbing over him, clinging to his legs and arms and back.

Jay sighed, resigning himself to his fate when he heard a chuckle from the doorway. Spinning, children swinging from his limbs as he does, Jason went pale under his hood to see Red Robin standing there.

“Don’t. Say. A. Thing.”

"I think you missed your calling."

“Don’t.”

“A jungle gym is something not everyone can be.”

Jason gritted his teeth and resolved to never try and play nice with the Batcrew ever again.


End file.
